Friday, March 8, 2013

~A Family by Another Name~

    Its here...Its here!!!  My file arrived this morning.  With shaky hands I read each and every detail and although there where many pages with lots of information there was not very much information about my birth mum. There is more information about her sister (my aunt?) and a phone number for said aunt.  After deliberating for what felt like hours I decided to take the plunge and ring her.  With my heart in my throat and nerves on edge I dial the number and it is answered by a kindly woman's voice.  My planned speech goes out the window, and after asking if she is indeed the sister to my birth mother and another  hurried mess of words I blurt out who I am.  It seems no one knew I even existed.  In fact she thought I was  another daughter of my birth mother that she already knew.  It would seem my birth mother now has 3 daughters all bearing the same first name.
  This aunt was so patient with my questions and so friendly and she told me so much information that in my state I forgot most of it but she has left the door open for me to contact  her and ask any questions I need.  She was going to contact my birth mother but I hold no expectations, nor do I want to intrude on maybe a time in my birth mothers  life she would rather forget.   The last thing I want to do is upset anyone or their lives with me popping up out of the wood work.  If I can have my many questions answered by this aunt, then I will be happy with that, after all it is more than I expected.    The one thing I do remember from this conversation with her is I have in fact 3 sisters and 2 brothers, all half siblings I think. 
   I am going to give myself time to digest what I have learned and give this aunt and my birth mother time to come to terms with that I have found them.  That in its self would have to be a huge shock for them both.....I know it is for me.
  My mum knows nothing of this and I wont be sharing it with her.  She doesnt even know that I know I am adopted and she is just too frail to deal with it.  I am angry that she and dad never told me and I have learned that it was his wish I never be told and it was his secret which he took to his grave with him.  But like all secrets they have a habit of coming out in the end.  I have hinted and given her many opportunities to tell me but she remains tight lipped so I will leave it that.  My brother has known we are adopted since he was 15 and I think that is where my anger lies in that he was told and I was not.  Maybe if I had been told back then, this would have been easier to deal with.  But finding out when I am 49 has been a huge shock.  My mum & dad will always be the ones who raised me...that will never change, but now I know the truth its like the penny dropping into place.
  I plan on spending the next few days working out my questions, then perhaps this time I will write the aunt so as to give her time to respond rather then me putting her on the spot like last time by phoning.
  If you are reading this and you have adopted children of your own....tell them the truth when they are young, don't leave it too long and don't put it off to another day, because when they find out...and they would be so much better to hear from your own lips than those of a stranger.