~Family by Another Name is Still Family~

~Melbourne.....the home of my birth family.....a family until 4 years ago I never knew existed.  This was only the third time I had spent time with all of them since the very first  visit 3 years ago.......only this trip was so different from the first because my birth mother and I were to meet.  I arrived on a Tuesday and Wednesday was to be the meeting day.  Stress over the meet weighed heavy on my heart and my nerves were shot.  I stayed with my oldest brother and his beautiful family only my brother thought it funny to countdown until the meeting.......this added to my already strung out nerves.  I was to arrive with my sister in law and my brothers followed.  We had to stop at some traffic lights and for a fleeting second I Contemplated jumping out the car to avoid the impending meeting.....fortunately I thought of the fright to my SIL and decided against.  A few minutes later we arrived at my sisters where I was to meet my birth mum.  I got out the car only to freeze....tears streaming down my face, I was unable to move.  By this point my brothers had arrived and somehow through either gentle coaxing or just pulling me along ( of which I cannot remember) I entered my sisters and through the darkness (as the blinds had been pulled against the heat of the day)....I vaguely made out the shape of my birth mum through my tears, and gravitated ( or was pushed) towards her.....tears streaming down my face.  After that everything is a blurr......the floodgates had been opened and every emotion, feelings of rejection and everything I had thought I knew to be true then discovered it wasn't came pouring out.  In what felt like an hour but was in reality only a few moments I pulled away trying desperately to get control of my emotions.....to reel them back in.  I escaped to the bathroom to splash my face with cool water and recollect my thoughts.    I knew I couldn't hide in here forever so I headed outside where I sat quietly sipping on the wine my sister had poured.  My thoughts were all over the place matching my emotions in their erratic patterns of logic and illogic.  I numbly remember my birth mother coming outside and chatting quite normally with the others and I remember thinking .....how can she be so calm.....my insides where churning, my nerves frazzled....it was all I could do to sit there and not run out the door.  Instead I got up and calmly walked and then sat on the pool edge distracting myself, watching the kids splash happily, whom were oblivious to the trauma I was going through.  How I got through the rest of the day was beyond me....but I had done it......I had survived the emotional turmoil that was meeting my birth mum and had come out the other side.

   Sleep evaded me....so many questions ran through my head...all of which would remain unanswered as there was little chance of there ever being a one on one with her.....that was made pretty clear to me.  

The day's rolled by and there would be two more visits by my birth mum...each one ending with her regulation offering of her cheek farewell.  Her demeaner was one of calm acceptance....like everything was normal.....but not for me.  My stomach flipped and churned.....how calmly she had forgotten all the cruel words she had messaged previously to this visit....I couldn't forget,  I couldn't forgive not without compromising my own self worth.  Instead I offered respect.....not that it had been earned but more from the manners I prided myself on.  

My visit of 8 days was coming to an end and as much as I loathed to leave my siblings it was time to go home and collect my thoughts.  

I have been blessed with 5 amazing siblings who have not only accepted me but shown me more love in 3 short visits than I have ever had in a lifetime......and for that I am eternally grateful.  I don't know what the future holds with my birth mum or if there even is a future...only time will tell.  I won't close my heart but I will guard it carefully.    

~Weekend Away In Renmark~

~Hubby and I have just returned from a weekend away in Renmark and it was here at one of the vintage shops I found this sweet photograph.  I picked it up and put it down several times before concluding I had to buy it....I am not sure why as it is def not something I would normally buy but I am so glad I did...she is a little darling.~

~Look at that gorgeous smile, twinkling blue eyes and golden curls~

~We went to Renmark to visit our dear friends and while we were there they gifted me with these amazing vintage scales.  I have had my eye on these beauties ever since I saw them in her home 30 years ago (see all good things come to those who wait) so to say I was over the moon was an understatment.    The scales read:  "The Computing Scale Co.  Dayten Ohio U.S.A. Pat Apr.24-1900, May19-1903, Mar.27-1906, style no 166. They are in perfect condition, although I don't think the colour is original but when I searched google it was impossible to find any similar in original colours but I must admit I like the gold so no matter~   I am feeling a little bit spoiled~

~I would think they are sweet scales as they only go up to 1 lb~

~Now on first glance I though this was a trashed houseboat but on closer inspection it was one full of character.  From the old Hills Hoist sporting old bras, to the toilet ontop of the chimney, to a couple of chooks and pots and post of geraniums...it was a delight to hold.  For a gold coin donation one could go aboard and check it out.......as I am scared of everything on the water I was happy to stay land side and admire from afar.  The lovely gentleman who's houseboat it was presented me with a "Rose" which infact was a humble geranium, but pretty none-the-less~

The lush grass and beautiful shady trees next to the river were quite delightful considering we decided to walk from the motel all along the riverfront and down the main street for over 2 hours in 30C heat.

~This sweet little duck had the right idea to cool off~

~Houseboats were moored all along the banks~

~On our way back we stopped ina Garden Center known for its exotic and rare plants and it was here I discovered this beauty.  They had one growing up some old wire and it was lush with beautiful white trumpet shaped flowers, fragrance with a heavenly perfume~   I couldnt help myself and had to buy one....can't wait for mine to flower now~

~Well that was our trip....great company in a great town~

~Melbourne~

~I have just returned from 6 wonderful days spent in Melbourne getting to know my birth family. It is a scary and somewhat overwhelming experience travelling to another state to pretty much stay with strangers and hope that you click....but def worth the risk...if it didnt work then I would have returned home , put it down to experience, and had no regrets.
     The trip was one I will remember for a lifetime.......I am very, very lucky to have the most amazing bunch of people to call my brothers and sisters.  They showed me more love in those 6 days than I have ever had in a lifetime.    I stayed with one of my brothers and his beautiful family, and my sister in law is one in a million.  She instantly made me feel at home and part of the family.   I even got to meet extended family at a birthday party and was treated to some wonderful entertaining family stories.
     All my life I never felt like I belonged anywhere....I always felt out of sync with everyone around me....never making friends easily...always the loner...always alone.  But spending those 6 days changed everything.......I finally FIT somewhere....and that is the best feeling in the whole world.  No words can describe the happinest I feel inside... a sense of belonging.....a sense of family.
     Leaving them to fly home, was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life.  I never wanted it to end.
     Luckily with all the technology available to us these days ...keeping in touch will never be a problem....and while its not the same as a face to face ...it is def better than nothing~

~33 Days~

         ~Whats happening in 33 days.......life changing events.  In 33 days I will be hopping on a plane (scary) and flying to Melbourne with hubby and friends...where I will be meeting all my birth siblings (5)..........3 of them for the very first time and 2 of them for the second time.  I will be spending the day with them, hoping to get to know them a little and them me.  I have so many questions to ask but more than likely I will forget them all.  How does one put a lifetime of getting to know someone into one afternoon.   It is a start and one I am looking forward to in a scary kind of way~
           ~The second part of this trip is we a doing a mini cruise with 10 friends from Melbourne back to Adelaide to see if we can all cope,  so that in the future we can perhaps do bigger more exciting ones.  Me and water just dont go together...I cannot swim and I am terrified of anything water related thats deeper than waist height.  Then there is the whole sea sickness thing.......I dont do getting ill at all.....worse patient ever.  So while these two things are big negatives in my life (Water and sea sickness) I am def going to try to overcome them.  I cant do much about the water thingy but an appointment with the docs before we go is on the cards~
        ~If anyone has some tried true methods of avoiding sea sickness I would love to hear them~

~A car & a weekend away~

Well update on the car....'I got it'!  Feeling a little spoilt but also amazed at my patience in waiting over a year for hubby to save.  I picked the car up Friday morning last week and 2 hours later we went away in it for our short break holiday to a lovely Copper mining town about 2 hours from home called Moonta Bay.  The car was perfect and we had enough room for all our stuff plus our friends things as they had no room in their car.  The short holiday was a much needed break also and we stayed in this amazing holiday house....I just wished it had been walking distance to the beach as I am a very early riser and a beack walk would of been perfect.

My lovely RAV4

Moonta Mines (Old Copper Mine)

Moonta Mine

The amazing holiday house we rentened

View from the balcony

I used my early morning wakeups to set my camera up on a tripod on the balcony and took a few play around shots, and this was one....I love how it turned out.

  The town is full of these tv/radio aerials.

We had a fantastic long weekend with great friends....can't wait to do it again.

~Family~

.......I am back from Melbourne and I have finally met my sister and my brother.  

We decided to meet in a pub for lunch and as always I was early.  The waitress led me to a table with 10 seats.  If I wasn't nervous before I was now.   I very nearly got up and left but at that precise moment my sister Michelle (no 1) arrived with her partner.....and it was good.  I think because we had talked lots on the phone I knew what to expect kind of .  Chatting was easy and we did a lot of note comparing trying to figure out where I fit into the family dynamics.   Janelle (Michelle's daughter) was the next to arrive so we enjoyed lunch while chatting.  Michelle (no 1) informed me my brother David was coming but would be late due to work commitments.  While excited to meet him I was also very nervous as I had not spoken to him at all......but I nothing to worry about....he is adorable.  He is my baby brother and I couldn't have asked for a more sweeter,  accepting  person than him.  He bought with him his 12 year old son, Jack who is also a delight.  

I spent nearly 4 hours with them and it was a wonderful day.  I left feeling loved and on cloud nine that these gorgeous people are my siblings.  I still have another 3 siblings (Michelle no 3, Tammy and Peter)I hope to meet, but if I don't its ok.  My journey was never about upsetting or hurting anyone so I am very grateful for the love and acceptance Michelle (no 1) and David have shown me....and I think I am more than lucky because I have 3 families who love me.....my adopted family, my family and my birth family.

This is my brother David,  me (in the middle) and my sister Michelle.

~Project on hold~

Hubby and I have decided to take a short holiday to Mildura as of tomorrow.  I am looking forward to shopping and antique hunting....for anything pink of course.  We havent had a break away since the kids were little so excited and nervous all at the same time.  I will miss my babies (the cats and dogs) but my daughter is gonna take care of them for me...but it wont stop me missing them.  I will be taking lappy with me...so hopefully I will be able to post some piccies.